Being a woman...

Monday, March 21, 2011

Right now, I am sitting at Papa John's waiting for my pizza. I am happily enjoying every second of my "alone quiet time" As I was sitting here, I saw this on the bathroom door. *yes i bring my camera with me everywhere*

I know you are thinking "ok Kelley it is a stupid bathroom sign." Yes, I know, and normally I wouldn't even notice it, but today it just hit me. woman. that word means a lot of things to me right now. Let me explain a little before you think I've gone mad...which actually I probably have :) It has been a pretty hard couple weeks for me. I am so stressed about if Craig is supposed to join the Air Force reserves or not. But mostly, I feel like if I have to to do one more load of laundry, change one more poopy diaper, break up one more fight, or make dinner one more freaking time that I'm going to EXPLODE! Hence, why I'm waiting here for my pizza instead of slaving over my stove.

Do you guys ever get sick of doing the same thing day after day? And feeling like it nothing you do makes a difference because you are just going to do it again and again and again? I clean the house for hours only to have it trashed in 20 minutes. I wonder what is the point of it all? I have no more patience to give to my kids and I just want to run away. Every time I sit down, it's "Mommy Mckay is doing this" or "mommy can you get me that" or Pip is into something again and has made another HUGE mess. Then there is the crying and fighting with each other that irritates me to no end! When do I get some ME time that does not include waiting for pizza? As I am typing this I realize it sounds really selfish....I know. Craig is busy working all the time and I really do appreciate it, he is a wonderful husband and helps a lot when he has the time. I just feel like he doesn't understand what it is like to be home ALL the time with three BUSY little people who are so so demanding.

I just feel like sometimes I forget who i am besides "mom". and I miss me.

Being a woman is hard. We worry so much about everyone else and take care of everyone else first because it is our nature as woman....

Is my husband happy? Are my kids eating right? Do they know how much I love them? Am I teaching them right? Am I being a good example? Do we have the money for this? How are we going to pay that? on and on and on....

Today I feel completely drained and I have nothing to more to give. I am not looking forward to waking up to the same things tomorrow. Does anyone ever feel like this? I know I am having a huge pity party right now....and i'm sorry. This is supposed to be a happy blog, but sometimes you just need to vent. I know I am SO blessed. I love my sweet children more than I can say and I have more blessings than I can even name. But, as I'm sitting here, I am watching so many cars drive by and I feel like a speck. There are so many people in this world with much bigger problems than me. Devastation in Japan, people with Cancer, poverty...the list goes on and on. There is so much for my Heavenly Father to worry about than little ol' me and my insignificant problems.

But, I realize, that even though I don't feel it at this moment, I know my Heavenly Father cares about me...and that will give me the strength to drive home and be a stronger more patient woman for my husband and kids. I know our Heavenly Father loves woman, and cherishes mothers and I know that he thinks my job is important. Woman are special, even though I don't feel very special right now.

Maybe after a long bubble bath with Ben & Jerry and some Mindy Gledhill, I will fill a little more recharged for tomorrow. Thanks for listening guys if you are still reading this :)
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12 Say What's:

Kate said...

I know exactly how you feel!! Being a mother is such a hard job. Rewarding, but so hard some days. Especially to young children who need so much from you ALL the time. I keep wondering when I'll get some "me" time!
There was a part from Elder Christofferson's talk from October conference "Reflections on a Consecrated Life" that helps me sometimes - the part that talks about menial and repetitive tasks bringing order and sustaining life that made me think of young stay-at-home moms. It's still hard, but some days it helps when I remember what he said about it.:) Hang in there.

http://lds.org/general-conference/2010/10/reflections-on-a-consecrated-life?lang=eng

Natasha said...

You know.... It's hard to say anything right now to change how you feel...
But still, there's something I've got to say... There was a period in my life when I felt a lot like that...
For like a year I had to bring up my 'lil sis alone... It was suuuuuuuuper tiring... You know kids are not the same with their moms and their siblings...I was in despair... I broke into tears a few times cuz i couldn't stand it anymore.... I felt like I was a single parent.... And I really wanted to have some time just for myself....
But you know what... Every time when she fell asleep I lied down next to her and watch her... watched her little face and how she smacked her lips in her sleep... And for me that was like the best thing in the world.... Something that would give me strength to keep going ... I don't know why.... It just could stop all the anger and tiredness in no time... I guess when i have my own babies I'll be a creeper not sleeping and watching them in their sleep =))))))))))))
But you know.... Anyway there's no way for you just not to do all that stuff....All you have left I guess is just to take that fact and turn it into smth enjoyable =)))) You know.. change the attitude and stuff.... And I'm pretty sure that it won't be so hard for you cuz you're definitely a much more positive and optimistic person than I am =))) All I can say for now.... is be strong!!! Hold on!!! I'm a million % sure you can do it!!! Good luck!! =))

Amy said...

Aww...Kel!!! I know exactly how you feel! We need to get together! Let's plan something! Now about the Air Force...did I miss something in a previous post? You need to bring me up to date! I feel a bit out of it right now! I love you so much!

The Razzle Dazzle Family said...

I am SO glad I am not the only mother who feels this way. Our husbands do work very hard to support us & everything but I do feel that we have it harder! I would like to run away sometimes too or just hid. But we do need to remember that we are important too & what we are doing is making a difference (even if we don't feel like it is). You posted it very well & it is okay to vent every now & then we all need to!

Jenny said...

Thanks for your post! I have felt like that a lot lately and it made me feel better that I am not the only one. I love your blog and think you are so stinkin' talented! I wish I could do the things you do. Thanks for all the posts and letting us all see your talent!

Erika said...

If you have any questions about the Reserves you can email me. My husband has been a reservist for six years. :)

Erika said...

P.S. Yes, I feel exactly like you. It is nice to know other women feel like that, too! Thanks for sharing.

Leah said...

Its funny you posted this. I had the SAME EXACT conversation with my friend in Vegas about this....WITH our husbands present and we had a "discussion." pretty much it came down to : Boys just dont get it. Men and women are super different. They will never get it. Haha. I have been feeling like I have to do EVERYTHING and I havent done much for me. I dont know who I am besides "mom" ..literally havent done any hobbies I love FOREVER. BUT I wouldnt want to be back at work (ok sometimes I do, but ultimately, not) and its the best when Becca does something for the first time or when I see my kids playing and laughing together. Its hard. Being a mom is HARD WORK. No one will undertand besides the Mothers in the world :) YOU ARE AMAZING. dont forget it. :)

Brittney Wimmer said...

Thanks for the real life post. Glad to know I'm not the only one. Plus I want you to know that I check you blog because I think you're one of the most amazing moms ever!

Robyn said...

I have those days too! We all do. I hope u can plan something to do for yourself:) And I agree with Brittney- You are amazing and I check your blog too for inspiration for many things:) You can do it!

Heather said...

Oh honey I hear ya! I am having one of those days myself. Why I told Jon just this morning (after he asked me what I needed) that I wanted a "Rowan free day!" He said what would you do? I said, "Enjoy the silence!" He (Rowan) has been such a pill lately, and it is frustrating me like mad! I really feel for you moms who have more than one driving ya crazy! I hope you are feeling better. And what is this I hear about Craig joining the air force?!

Megan said...

I can't believe I had to go this far back on your blog! I was way more behind than I thought. I don't know if you will even read this comment - or if they get sent to your email like mine do. But any who, I just wanted to thank you for this post. I was having this exact pity party a couple of days ago. And I think it is okay to be frustrated and down every once and a while - we are human...if if sometimes I don't think you are with all of your crazy talents. And it is good to express it. I think sometimes we all try to hard to be perfect so that when we have the down moments we think we are alone. But as you can tell from all these other comments - it is normal. Thanks for sharing Kell. You are a great mom.

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